And my mental health!
I spend a huge amount of time worrying about Ethans mental health and how it will pan out over the next 5-10 years and beyond!
I also worry about the mental health of my other kids (the ones still at home are my focus for this blog!)
My older daughter is 17.7 and has suffered with anxiety and depression on and off for all of her teenage years, I wont delve too far into this as I dont have her permission to discuss her personal issues but as the mother I can say, its been an emotional rollercoaster!
I also have huge worries about Missy T, aged almost 7. Ethan starting school and the greater demands of year 2 are definitely making their mark on her!
Ethan himself is masking like a star on broadway! With the support put in place at school he seems to be coping exceptionally well so far, but his moods and hyper activity are much worse at home – but we can live with that for the time being
But I do wonder how ‘fine’ I really am?
Friends and family ask and I give the standard answers that both younger ones are doing well but no one ever asks about how I am doing! Well of course, if they did, I would say I am fine- that wonderful phrase that stops further questioning lol!
But am I ‘fine’?
No, not really! I am overworked between my job, the house, the kids and all the shite I have to deal with in between but I would ordinarily never let on that I am struggling!
I have suffered with depression on and off at varying degrees since my teen years and it has led to some very dubious decisions over that time!
I also suffered post natal depression after the birth of my gorgeous first born, resulting in medication for over a year! And I still feel guilty about this 21 years on 😑
I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks with baby- should have been no:3
I have also lost three very important members of my family within a year of each other! My nanna, who was as good as a mother to me, my dad who was my absolute rock and world and then my grandad who i spent more childhood time with than my own parents at times!
My mental health has been tried, tested and found lacking (to me) during these times, but here I am, still fighting for whats right and hoping that somehow, someday, everyone will receive the help that they need, when they need it!