Guilt for every parent is a natural consequence of reproducing, we feel guilt for eating a prawn (or something else on the forbidden foods list) by accident during pregnany
We feel guilty for every tiny thing we consider a mistake on our parts during their lives
We feel guilty for getting cross or not spending more time playing with them
We feel guilty for working and not spending that time with them or guilty for not working and not having more money to spend on them
Its an endless black hole of guilt and I dont think it ever stops! (I still feel guilty for not visiting my 21 year old as much as I should 😟)
But with my little fire cracker Ethan, the guilt is on another level!
I feel guilt for so many reasons:
I should have noticed he was ‘different’ earlier
I shouldnt have been such a shouty, stressy, cross mummy before diagnosis and certainly shouldn’t since 😑
I shouldnt have put him in nursery at age 2 just because I was exhausted from him and needed time to work
I should spend more time with his siblings but dont have the time between him, work and running the house
I should spend more time with Daddy but the same as above applies and I am shattered
I should be looking after myself better
I should walk the dogs but cant with lil man as he would inevitably need carrying or go into one mid walk and who can walk 3 nutty lab crosses whilst carrying a massive, heavy, almost 5 year old?
I should spend more time with family but its such hard work to do anything out of the norm that it goes to the bottom of the ‘to do’ list
When we go out with friends its always us who leave early and break up the party
Our friends generally have to have trips which are Ethan orientated
The list goes on and on!
But by living our lives the way we are, we mostly manage to keep him in a calm state, which stops the stresses of melt downs and conflict and generally makes life better for everyone. So should I really feel guilty about these things at all!
Probably not, but I always will!
I think writing all this down has made me realise that maybe, just maybe I should consider writing myself a list of all the things I am proud of myself for – but I probably wont find the time 😐
To all the parents out there, juggling life, bills, work, kids, house and everything else – You Are Surviving! And therefore smashing it!
Try to give yourselves a pat on the back each day for just one thing you feel good about…
Today I hoovered 😂
Tomorrow I may even apply make-up instead of relying on a heavily filtered, black and white insta pic (the original would give you nightmares lol) 😮